A journey into my own stillness, silence and inner light.

Darkness retreats had attracted me for too long to let go of it. 

Long before it became a modern retreat experience, darkness was deliberately chosen by mystics, yogis, monks, and shamans as a path inward. Caves, sealed huts, underground chambers — places where the eyes see nothing but pitch blackness so that something deeper can be perceived.

In Tibetan, Taoist, and yogic traditions, darkness was not feared. It was trusted. Without visual distraction, the mind softens, the nervous system settles, and awareness naturally turns inward. Energy that usually rushes outward begins to circulate through the body instead.

I didn’t know all of this when darkness first found me — only that it kept returning.

When Darkness Started Calling Me

Years ago, while reading about meditation, consciousness, and the subconscious mind, I came across the idea of darkness retreats. My first reaction was simple: those people must be incredibly brave.

I placed the thought somewhere at the back of my mind.

But darkness doesn’t disappear when ignored...

Over the years, it resurfaced again and again — through books, podcasts, conversations, and moments of deep exhaustion when I longed not for stimulation, but for stillness and depth. Each time, it stayed a little longer. Until one day, it felt less like an idea… and more like an magnet pulling me in.

In early 2025, I finally let go.

I explored retreat centres across the world — Thailand, Mexico, Germany, Poland, the UK, the USA. Yet something in me knew this journey needed to happen closer to home, somewhere quiet, intimate, and nature-held.

I chose a small, secluded retreat in the Czech Republic, surrounded by trees and fresh air. I booked months ahead, preparing emotionally and mentally — even while carrying a quiet fear.

As a teenager, I had watched too many horror films. Scarry night images that the subconscious never truly forgets. So I made myself a promise: I would be gentle. Whether I stayed one day or all six, I would be kind to myself.

The Four Elements

The retreat offered four elemental chalets: Air, Earth, Water, and Wood.

Each carried its own energetic quality.

I was drawn immediately to Water.

Water has always been my anchor — lakes, rivers, oceans, swimming as well as more recently cold or ice plunges. It calms and neutralises my energy and brings me back into my body. Choosing and reserving Water element chalet felt instinctive, like choosing a familiar ally.

Day One: Stepping Inside the Darkness

Day of my booked experience arrived and I drove to the centre. My guide welcomed me and we had a friendly conversation where he shared all there is about this stay and welcomed any questions. He showed me my darkness space and shortly after he left. His last words were 'The darkness is honest and genuine'.

The chalet felt womb-like and simple.

Inside, there was:

• A single bed

• A meditation chair and yoga space

• A small indoor water fountain

• A dining table for meals in darkness

• A bathroom with drinking water basin

• A bathtub with jacuzzi

• Himalayan salt tiles near the bath and movement area

• A small MP3 player with taped-over lights

• A torch for emergencies

The windows were completely sealed. Two doors protected the darkness — an outer space for food delivery and an inner door ensuring total light containment. 

Before the lights were turned off, I was given time to familiarise myself visually with the space — an essential act of kindness for the nervous system.

When the moment felt right, I turned off the light.

Total instant darkness.

The first feeling was a mix of comfort and uncertainty.

I knew I could leave at any time — and that knowledge gave me a surprising sense of safety.

I turned on the water fountain and began meditating. Time started dissolving. Later on my guide knocked with my first meal and quickly disappear, darkness uninterrupted.

Eating in complete darkness felt like a deja vu. Taste sharpened. Texture became more profound. I was reminded of Dans le Noir, a blind dining experience I once shared with a  blind friend. Without sight, the senses interestingly reorganise themselves...

That evening, I filled the bathtub with warm water and lots and lots of Himalayan salt I brought with me for all the days ahead. The jacuzzi hummed gently and I started to relax. I soaked, breathed, and later rinsed off, dried myself and finished with with a nurturing self-massage — face, neck, shoulders, hands — using warm oil and my conscious touch.

Darkness invites tenderness. I concluded my waking last moments with a gentle soundscape time - some chimes, tuning forks and other soft vibrational frequency sounds.

I slept deeply.

Days Two & Three: The Nervous System Unwinds

By the second “day,” time no longer had meaning — which, I realised, was a gift.

I slept, woke, meditated, practised gentle yoga, exercised, bathed, rested, and slept again. Many people describe this phase as a neurological reset — the body finally allowed to rest without expectation.

Meals arrived once daily: light, plant-based, nourishing food. Eating became a sensory meditation and mindfulness at the same time. Guessing flavours felt soo intriguing.

By day three, my mind softened noticeably. Subtle visual phenomena appeared as I drifted toward sleep — faint colours, gentle shapes. I wasn’t afraid. I knew the psyche was simply opening its inner doors.

What Darkness Does to the Mind

In prolonged darkness, the brain shifts its chemistry.

Without light exposure, melatonin starts increasing dramatically and the boundary between waking and dreaming becomes more fluid. The result is not chaos, but coherence — a naturally altered state of consciousness guided by the body’s own intelligence.

This is why lots of people often experience:

• Visual patterns and colours

• Lucid dreaming

• Heightened intuition

• Emotional processing

• Profound calm

Nothing felt forced. Everything unfolded gently for me.

Days Four & Five: Inner Light

By day four, time had almost vanished for me. The only markers were sound — birds in the morning, crickets at night.

My visual experiences started to be increasingly more profound: colours, geometry, movement. I stayed grounded through my breath, meditation and trust developed through years of my inner work.

Roughly  day five, I experienced my first very vivid lucid dreaming which I had heard about prior on various occasions.

I knew I was dreaming — and I knew exactly where I was. My full awareness and dreaming merged in one. I could consciously manipulate my dream state as well. Extraordinary experience. 

Last profound experience and most beautiful and mesmerising one was towards the end of my stay. While fully awake, I witnessed something dare I say, as if almost divine: luminous, moving, stunning geometrical lights appearing within the darkness itself — what Nikola Tesla allegedly once described as living light energy.

Light, seen through darkness.

Re-Emerging

On the final morning, I stepped outside just before sunrise, allowing my eyes to adjust slowly. The world felt startlingly vivid. Beautiful colours of flowers. Greens brighter. Air fresher. 

I walked among the trees and hedges quietly, feeling rested, reset renewed, and re-aligned — as if something essential had been polished in me rather than changed.

Darkness hadn’t taken anything from me.

Rather it as if returned me to my core.

The Path of Tantra and Darkness 

At first glance, tantra and darkness retreat may seem worlds apart, yet at their core they share the similarities. Both invite awareness to turn inward by removing distraction and slowing everything down. In tantra, this happens through breath, touch, and presence. In darkness, mainly through the absence of light.Both practices gently calm the nervous system and allow the body to lead. As the mind quietens, sensation deepens, energy begins to circulate, and your subtle layers of awareness emerge. There is no forcing—only listening, surrendering, and trusting what arises.Neither tantra nor darkness relies on intensity or substances. Altered states may unfold naturally, whether through conscious touch and breath or through the chemistry of prolonged darkness. Our emotions can surface, intuition sharpens, and a deeper sense of sheer wholeness often follows.In their own way, both tantra and darkness teach the same lesson: when we stop reaching outward, we remember how to feel, how to sense, and how to come home to ourselves.

I would recommend a darkness retreat to anyone seeking clarity, creative renewal, emotional recalibration, or deeper self-connection. To me, comfort with oneself is perhaps the only biggest requirement. Beside's finding time to go away without phone and any other distractions.

Sometimes, the most profound healing or change may not come from doing more —but from 'doing' less. 

Thank you for reading. Happy rest of your day.

Joy xx